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The Great Shell of Manasquan! (Formerly known as The Great Swell of Manasquan)

Having been a part of the annual migration of 20-something males and females from the busy urban sprawl of the New York City metro area to the rural throw-back town of Manasquan, NJ for some four years now, I feel obligated to share certain experiences that can help all future generations of Man-Campers enjoy a fruitful summer of liquor, lust and Leggett's. This experience I am about to share with you invites the question, is our landlord know what he is getting into?

Below are two letters from our former landlord our Manasquan Beach, delightfully known as Man Camp! (names have been changed to protect parties involved)

Letter One:

Jack

I was shocked at the condition of the house when I went there on Tuesday afternoon. I know that you were not there at the end of the weekend; but the condition that the house was left was deplorable. We stopped by on Sunday evening and spoke to a couple of the guys that were there. The house was a mess; but they promised that they would clean it up. We stopped by again on Monday afternoon and the house was wide open with lights on so we assumed that someone was still there and that they would clean things up. When I went there on Tuesday, the place was still wide open in the same condition that I saw it on Monday. Therefore, I can only assume that everyone was gone when I went there on Monday.

Garbage was everywhere both in bags and spread out in every room. A keg was still in the living room. Furniture was broken. There are three major holes in the walls upstairs. Clothing was left everywhere. The stairs are broken and a cushion from my chair was being used to keep from falling through the steps. The shower is broken again. I'm sure there is more damage; but I have to clear away the mounds of rubble before I can see it all. Lamps and light fixtures are broken. In a word, the place is trashed.

I just spent two days just bagging all the bottles and cans so I could take them to the dump. I also bagged most of the disgusting garbage so I could put it out for tomorrow's pickup.

I will assess the damage and cleanup costs; but I doubt that you will see any of the $1,620.00 security deposit this year. I will provide an itemized bill.


Landlord



Letter Two (my favorite because he believes this to be an “itemized bill”)

Jack


I just wanted to close the loop with you regarding the security deposit. Below is what it cost me to get the place into reasonable shape and to replaced the things that were damaged:

1) Cleaning - I had to hire two people for three full days in order to clean the house and dispose of the trash and bottles and cans. There were condoms stuck to walls, cans full of urine and garbage in every room. - Cost $510.00

2) Holes in the sheetrock in the upstairs bedroom - There were two large holes and many small holes. I had to get the walls repaired and then have the room painted. Cost - $450.00

3) Rugs - The two area rugs downstairs were stained beyond cleaning andcovered with dried chewing gum. I had to buy new rugs. Cost $230.00

4) Furniture - A brand new rocking chair was destroyed, the parsons bench cushion was used as support for the broken steps and one of the couches was stained beyond cleaning and had to be replaced. Cost - $400.00

5) Stairs - The landing had been broken and had to be repaired. - Cost$200.00

6) Kitchen Cabinets - The cabinet over the sink does not close anymore. I have not yet gotten it repaired; but I think it needs new hinges so lets assume that I can get it done for $100.00.

7) The brand new shower has been damaged with the walls being pushed out of their supports. I will have my plumber repair it when he comes to shut off the water. Let's assume that he charges me $100.00.

The grand total is almost $2,000 in damage; but I only have a $1,620.00security deposit. Obviously, you will not be getting back any of yoursecurity deposit as I am having to go out of pocket to get the house back into rentable condition.

Landlord